However you’re most likely not actually hunting for a script, since you probably learn how to phrase determining to leave a social situation politely.
We suspect what you need is a magical expression to make sure that the rapey asshole of a(n ex-)boyfriend will not respond poorly he dislikes, and there isn’t such a phrase, because he’s a rapey asshole if you exercise agency in ways. All that you can perform in your end (after dumping their ass and locking straight down his use of you – if you are concerned about him responding poorly to no within the minute, perhaps you are well encouraged to be worried about relatiation whenever you dump him) is look straight back and see if there have been any warning flag you ignored, resolve to accomplish better about separating with individuals who exihibit them straight away in that case, and work to alter our social norms in order that individuals (both would-be perpetrators and would-be or real victims) can better recognize just what comprises sexual attack and recognize that it really is categorically maybe not ok.
But none for this is what you did incorrect, and I also buy into the other people that the next feels like a decentish man.
(a very important thing might have been for him to shut your boyfriend down whenever he attempted to get him to fuck you in violation of one’s stated wishes, kick (ex-)Boyfriend down, and also make certain you had been safe unless you could hook up with a friend or member of the family, though perhaps not attempting to risk learning to be a target himself, specially since my read let me reveal that there is a good possibility you could have sided along with your rapey boyfriend, is understandable. ) The advice by what can be done is sensible, maybe maybe not a project of culpability; regrettably, provided that assholes occur, there isn’t any way that is magic prevent them totally, or even to merely make sure they are never be assholes. Real time, learn, and move ahead.
Addendum: Third is eligible for their boundaries and conditions for intercourse, too; I do not also concur that insisting on condomless intercourse and making whether or maybe not it’s instead of offer can be an asshole move.
LW was not any longer eligible to have the sex that is particular desired than either regarding the males had been; she actually is entitled and then not need intercourse she does not desire and also have intercourse which is mutually consensual. If he did something similar to really phone her a bitch because of this, yes, he is an asshole, but agreeing to just have intercourse under particular conditions – also ill-advised conditions like unsafe sex with strangers – and making in the event that’s instead of offer is appropriate boundary behavior, perhaps not asshole behavior. We would like individuals to keep if whatever they want – the ONLY thing they want – is not something the other individual is enthusiastic about doing, in place of, state, pressuring another individual to disregard zir stated boundaries until ze cracks.
Then i eventually got to BucksFan’s follow-up remark; fine, Third has also been an asshole. If only it had been better to compose my ideas them to a bad connection or browser crash – that way I could go back and delete things rendered redundant or incorrect by later comments – but it’s already enough of a pain to switch tabs to check parts of the letter and scroll up and down to read comments and then type on my phone without adding in swapping back and forth between a word processing app as I go without the risk of losing.
@44: we had been disagreeing given that it did not match that which was stated, perhaps perhaps not as a result of gender. Being a female does not magically make your perception accurate or insulate one from self-serving and sometimes even just erroneous perception or recall. Shouting “Patriarchy! ” to shut straight down any moment some body does not automatically accept a lady’s viewpoint is not feminism (not least because 100% of females do not concur on a regular basis, therefore if two ladies disagree about a known matter of fact or jugdment, it is not also an option to think both ladies by standard), it is simply imperious narcissism.
@61: he brought over here to rape me personally. If you want to phone the authorities (and that could be your best option in some instances), choose, “My boyfriend is wanting to persuade another man” Re: 62, I would personally never be using your (ex-)boyfriend’s advice concerning exactly what comprises flags that are red HAVE dumped him, no? ).